CALL THE NUMBER ON YOUR SCREEN

When I’m watching TV with sighted friends and family members, I have a tendency to change the channel whenever the commercials come on. Why? Well, my biggest pet peeve as a visually impaired TV viewer is hearing such phrases on TV commercials and infomercials as “Call the number on your screen!” or “Visit the website on your screen!” instead of them verbally announcing the number or the website. Fine if you want to display them, that’s all fine and dandy with me. But for those of us who are totally blind and partially sighted, it’s not in the least bit helpful, especially if there’s a product or service we’re particularly interested in. I was watching TeleLatino last week with my grandmother, and they were advertising a CD that I was interested in purchasing. And of course, to order it, you had to “call the number on your screen”, but of course before my grandma could read me the number it had already disappeared! Would’ve made it so much simpler for me if they’d announced the number, then I could have jotted it down in my phone list. I am under the impression that TV advertising companies seem to think that people with visual impairments don’t watch TV. I’m gonna tell you right here and now that there are tons of us who listen to the TV, of course that’s where our auditory skills and our imagination (or “mind’s eye” if you will) come in. Which leaves us with the question of how we could clear up this little misunderstanding: I was reading a random blog a few months ago (unfortunately I am no longer able to locate it), in which the visually impaired author also mentions this topic, and her suggestion was to call the TV station and ask them to give you the numbers and websites in such commercials. Her theory was that if these companies are advertising on the station then the station would be able to give you the numbers and websites. I’ve never tried it, but I think it would be interesting to see the results. Or perhaps it should be a standard regulation that all phone numbers and websites be verbally announced as well as displayed on the screen. There’s closed captioning for the hearing impaired, so quite frankly I don’t see why they can’t make TV more user friendly towards people with visual impairments. Or, even better, they need to start doing what they do in radio commercials: announce the number a million times, that way, not only will we have access to it, but we’ll be likely not to forget it! It’d be interesting to hear your views on this.

SIENA L’ACCORDÉONISTE!

Mercredi dernier, j’ai été invitée à jouer de l’accordéon ànotre garderie francophone, Le Petit Navire, ici à Hamilton. Les enfants ont tellement aimé ça, moi aussi je me suis bien amusée!

MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES

No worries, I’m not the one giving the training, I’m just passing along the memo for those who are interested.

Training starts next Monday by the way.

Memo to all employees:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained.
Through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T .).We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T., please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T . list, and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S. H. I. T. you can handle.
Employees who don’t take their S. H. I.T. seriously will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS ( D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.)
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.)
Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don’t have to take S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LEADERSHIP LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)

LA PRIÈRE DES TRAVAILLEURS!

Allez, AU TRAVAIL!!!

La prière des travailleurs…

Notre Patron, qui est au bureau
Que le travail soit léger,
Que les patrons partent en vacances
Que notre volonté soit faite
Au bureau comme à la maison

Donne-nous aujourd’hui un jour de congé
Une semaine de récupération
Et un mois de réflexion
Pardonne-nous nos absences
Comme nous pardonnons aussi
À ceux qui nous font travailler.
Ne nous soumets pas aux observations,
Aux baisses de salaire,
Aux embargos et aux heures supplémentaires.
Mais délivre-nous de cet enfer.
Car c’est à toi qu’appartient le pouvoir
D’augmenter notre salaire et nos jours de congé,
Tout en diminuant notre travail,
Amen.

THE MIDDLE WIFE!

I just had to post this on here, I absolutely COULD NOT resist!!!!! This is very cute and soooo funny! Too good not to share, so I encourage you to share this with everyone you know, it’ll definitely give everyone a good laugh!! It’s the kind of thing that makes you wish you were there to witness it, a show-and tell never to be forgotten! Enjoy!

THE MIDDLE WIFE AND MOM’S PLAY-CENTER
By an anonymous 2nd grade teacher:

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved Show-And-Tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, Show-And-Tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they’re welcome. Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant”…]

“This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.”

She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh. The kids are watching her in amazement…

“Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’

Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans…

“She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!”

Now the kid’s doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning…

“My Dad called the Middle Wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.”

Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall…

“And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!”

Erica has her legs spread and with her little hands is miming water flowing away. It was too much!

“Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push’, and ‘breathe, breathe’. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said was from Mom’s play-center (placenta), so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he came out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up there”

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it’s Show-And-Tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along!

PERLES DU HELPDESK!

Voici une bonne blague que j’ai reçue ce matin. Ah, les joies et les mystères de l’informatique ,encore et toujours! VIVE LES HOTLINES!!!

HELP!!!

Secrétaire: Vous me dites “pas de majuscules pour le mot de passe”, c’est bien ça …?
Hotline: Exact.
Secrétaire: Et, les chiffres, je les mets en minuscule aussi ?

Client: Bonjour, je n’arrive pas à me connecter chez vous …
Hotline: D’accord, on va régler tout ça, tout d’abord, j’ai besoin de savoir si vous
êtes sur 95, 98, XP ou Linux.
Client: Non monsieur, je suis sur Paris, 75.

Secrétaire: J’ai un problème avec Windows …
Hotline: Qu’avez-vous sur l’écran ?
Secrétaire: Euh … un pot de fleur.
Hotline: Non, je veux dire “qu’est-ce qui est écrit?”
Secrétaire: Ha d’accord … euh … Sony !

Client: Je ne trouve plus l’endroit ou j’ai installé votre produit.
Hotline: Double-cliquez sur le Poste de Travail, s’il vous plait.
Client: C’est où, ça ?
Hotline: A l’écran, avez-vous une icône “Poste de Travail” ?
Client: Je ne comprends rien du tout, pourquoi me parlez-vous de poste de travail ?
Hotline: Vous n’avez pas de poste de travail ?
Client: Non monsieur ! Je suis retraité, moi …

Hotline: Décrivez-moi votre écran.
Client: [Echap], [F1], [F2], [F3] …
Hotline: Non ! Ca c’est votre clavier ! L’écran, c’est la télé …
Client: Vous me prenez pour un con ou quoi ?

Client: Je suis en train de m’inscrire sur votre site, mais je ne comprends pas
tout…
Hotline:: D’accord, on va voir ça ensemble.
Client: On me demande de saisir les coordonnés de l’endroit d’où j’appelle, un numéro de téléphone … Je mets quoi ?
Hotline: Vous mettez le numéro de téléphone de l’endroit d’où vous vous connectez… De chez vous quoi…
Client: D’accord… Voilà… Ensuite, on me demande une ville…
Hotline: Vous mettez les coordonnées de l’endroit d’ou vous appelez.
Client: Donc, je mets ma ville…
Hotline: Oui…
Client: Voilà… Et maintenant on me demande un code postal..
Hotline: …
Client Allo ? je mets quoi ?
Hotline: (agacé) Votre code postal !
Client: (sincèrement désolé) Excusez-moi si je vous embête, mais je ne connais pas grand-chose à l’informatique, vous savez…

Hotline: Monsieur, faites [CONTROL] [ALT] [SUPPR].
Client: Ah oui, je connais ça. (on entend en fond click click click click…)
Hotline: Que se passe-t-il a l’écran Monsieur ?
Client: Ben rien.
Hotline: Recommencez [CONTROL] [ALT] [SUPPR].
Client: click click click click…
Hotline: Et maintenant ?
Client: Toujours rien…
Hotline: Comment faites-vous la manipulation ?
Client: Ben j’appuie sur les touches “C”, “O”, “N” ,”T” ,”R” ,”O”, “L” et après sur
“A”, “L”,”T” puis sur “S”, “U” ,”P” ,”P” et enfin “R”.
Hotline: (silence.)
Client: Y faut peut-être l’accent sur CONTROL, non ?

Client: Mon disque dur est fêlé !
Hotline: Et y’a quoi a l’écran ?
Client: Ben que mon disque est fêlé !
Hotline: Lisez moi exactement ce qu’il y a sur l’écran.
Client: Hard drive failure !

Client: Ca me met nom d’utilisateur ou mot de passe incorrect.
Hotline: Fermez la fenêtre Monsieur s’il vous plait.
Client: Euh oui, c’est vrai qu’il y a un peu de bruit dehors…

Cliente: Bonjour, j’ai mon Nescafé qui ne marche pas …
Hotline: Heu je suis désolé Madame, mais nous ne faisons pas de support pour les appareils électroménager…
Cliente: Non non !!! C’est Nescafé pour Internet …
Hotline: (???)… Heu ??? Vous ne voulez pas parler de Netscape par hasard???
Cliente: Oui c’est bien ça ! Netscape … Nescafé … c’est la même chose …